BDSM

Bondage Discipline Sadism and Masochism

If you haven't explored BDSM yet, this article is for you. It covers the history of BDSM, common terms, and techniques related to bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. We also offer a list of BDSM resources to help you dive into this exciting community of fetish, role-play, cross-dressing, pain, flogging, and sex enthusiasts. Let’s dive in.

BDSM Glossary

It's not uncommon to feel a bit apprehensive when you're the new person on the scene and trying to learn the lingo. This list of commonly used terms should help!

• 24/7 is a relationship in which protocols are in place continuously.

• Abrasion is the use of something rough (such as sandpaper).

• ABDL stands for adult babies, who find pleasure in role-playing as infants. This is known as paraphilic infantilism, a type of age play. Adult babies often submit to a designated "caregiver," like a daddy Dom. Diaper lovers gain satisfaction from wearing and sometimes using diapers. While these two paraphilias are different, many people enjoy both to some extent.

• Aftercare is the time after a BDSM scene when participants calm down. They discuss what happened and their feelings about it. This helps them reconnect with reality. BDSM can create a strong endorphin high and intense feelings. Skipping aftercare may cause sub-drop as emotions return to normal. In some BDSM dynamics, like D/s, aftercare means the Dominant cares for the submissive. For example, they might apply baby oil to areas that were hit during play. Auctioned off means that In-callinant auctions the slave to the highest bidder. This is usually supervised and for temporary use.

• Bastinado involves whipping the sub’s feet. The sub is usually tied up to reduce movement during this act. It is part of impact play. BDSM stands for Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism. This acronym is often used as a general term for activities in the kink scene.

• Bondage is a practice where you tie, bind, or restrain your partner. It is done for erotic stimulation.

• Bottom refers to the partner who receives physical sensations from a top in a scene.

• Breast bondage is when you tie breasts. This can either flatten them against the chest or create a bulging effect.

• Breast Torture: The torture of female breasts.

• Breath Control Play The In-callinant controls the submissive's breathing. Butt Plug is much like a dildo, but pear-shaped with a flared base. The flared base prevents the plug from being lost in the anal cavity; the pear shape helps hold the plug in place. They come in a variety of sizes; some can vibrate. Sometimes used in pet play, with a tail attached.

• Chastity is a form of sexual denial where a person cannot stimulate their genitals. This access is limited to their partner's choice. Often, a device like a chastity belt or a cock cage is used. These devices prevent contact and are locked by the partner.

• Cock and Ball Torture (CBT): Torture of the male genitals for sexual gratification.

• Collared A submissive or slave who is owned, usually in a caring relationship. An in-callinant may have several people collared. Also, a pup's status is distinct from a "stray."

• Collaring the formal acceptance by an In-callinant of a sub's service, or the "ownership" of a pup by a Master or Trainer. Also, the ceremony when an In-callinant commits to a sub (much like a wedding or other contract).

• Consent is a mutual agreement to the terms of a scene or ongoing BDSM relationship.

• Consensual Non-Consensuality means partners agree to actions without knowing all the specifics. It shows a high level of trust and connection. This usually happens between partners who are familiar with each other. If they are not, it’s vital to set clear safety limits on what they will do.

• Contract A is a written agreement between the In-callinant and submissive. It can be formal or informal. It is usually created after negotiation between the In-callinant and the sub. This document outlines the structure, guidelines, rules, and boundaries of their relationship. It is not legally binding.

• DDLG Daddy Dom/Little Girl, a subset of Dominance and submission. This lifestyle's name points to the special bond between a parent and child, or a teacher and student. It does not suggest that ageplay is included. DM stands for Dungeon Monitor. This person oversees interactions at play parties or dungeons. They enforce house rules, acting as a bouncer for BDSM events. Sometimes, they also help keep the party fun and engaging.

• Dom is a person who exercises control (from In-callinant contrast with sub).

• Dominant is a person who exercises control – contrast with submissive.

• Domme is a woman who exerts control (see also Dominatrix). She is often tied to traditional femininity. Many younger female In-callinants now prefer the gender-neutral terms Dom or In-callinant.

• Drop A feeling of deflation or mild depression that can occur after a kinky scene, party, convention, or conference. It usually happens when positive stimuli are removed. This can include the endorphins from play or being around others in the kinky community. Anyone in the kink scene can experience it, regardless of their role.

• D/S Dominance/submission: play or relationships that involve an erotic power exchange.

• Dungeon usually refers to a room or area with BDSM equipment and play space.

• Edgeplay is SM play that involves a chance of harm, either physically or emotionally. Edgeplay is subjective and varies by player. What feels risky for one person may not for another. So, there isn't a universal list of edgeplay activities. Still, some forms of play are commonly recognized. These include fireplay, gunplay, rough bodyplay, breathplay, and bloodplay.

• Electro-Play is the use of electrical stimulation on the body's nerves. It involves devices like TENS, EMS, Violet wands, or special units. People use it for sexual pleasure, body modification, tickling, or even torture.

• Endorphin Rush endorphins are the chemicals that give people a "high" from activities like sex or risky sports. They respond to intense experiences. In BDSM, sensation play often triggers an endorphin rush for the sub. Aftercare is important to prevent subdrop when the body returns to normal.

• Erotic Sexual Denial is a method that involves keeping someone aroused while delaying their climax. It leads to a constant state of tension, inner conflict, and increased sensitivity. (See also tease, denial, and chastity).

• Erotic Spanking The act of spanking another person for the sexual arousal or gratification of either or both parties.

• Fetish is a specific obsession or delight in one object or experience.

• Figging is an insertion of a piece of peeled ginger root into the anus or vagina.

• Financial Domination is a sexual fetish focused on submission and control. In this practice, a submissive might be called a money slave, finsub, paypig, human ATM, or cash piggy. People give gifts and money to a financial dominant. This person is called a money mistress, finDomme, money Domme, or cash master.

• Fire Play is using fire as an implement of BDSM. This can mean using a light torch to blow heat onto the bottom. It can light pools of fuel on the bottom's surface, ignite flash cotton, and allow for other creative heat uses. Cupping is often seen as a part of fire play. But it feels more like using clips and clamps. Usually considered edge play.

• Fisting is inserting a hand into the vagina or rectum.

• Genitorture is torture of the genitals.

• Good Pain "Good pain" and "bad pain" are terms used by BDSM practitioners. They highlight that BDSM can involve consensual pain. However, there’s a clear purpose behind it. Some pain is accepted, while other pain is not. "Good pain" is pain that the submissive partner agrees to experience. It is something they desire and find enjoyable or valuable.

• Golden Shower Urinating on, or being urinated on by, another person.

• Gorean is a subgenre that comes from the rituals and practices in John Norman's erotic novels. These stories are set in the world of Gor. Gorean culture relies on traditional gender roles. Many believe this conflicts with BDSM, where anyone can take on any role, whether as a Dom or sub, or Top or bottom.

• Gunplay The practice of including actual (or simulated) firearms in a scene.

• Handkerchief Codes are signals that show your BDSM interests. A color on the left means you are a top, while a color on the right means you are a bottom.

• Hard limits is what someone absolutely will not do; non-negotiable (as opposed to "soft limits").

• Harem A group of subs serving one or more in-callinants.

• Hogtie means to bind a submissive's wrists and ankles. You fasten them together behind their back with rope or cuffs.

• Impact play is a type of sensation play. It involves using tools like whips, riding crops, paddles, and floggers.

• Infantilism Parent/child or parent/baby role-playing.

• K-9 Role-Play Animal roleplay where the animal being roleplayed is a dog

• Kinbaku Also known as Shibari, means "the beauty of tight binding." Kinbaku is a Japanese bondage style. It uses simple, visually intricate patterns to tie up the bottom, often with several pieces of thin rope.

• Knife Play is slow, methodical sensation of the bottom with the edges and points of knives, usually without cutting the skin. Fear of the weapon plays a large part in the stimulation of the bottom.

• Limits on what someone will not take part in (hard limits) or is hesitant to do so (soft limits).

• Masochism is the act of receiving pain for sensual or sexual pleasure.

• Masochist is a person who enjoys pain, usually sexual.

• Master/Slave This is a consensual relationship. One person, the Master, has control granted by another, the slave, for mutual benefit. It is a more intense form of D/s. Typically, it involves a 24/7 commitment instead of a scene or a weekend. The slave often accepts a collar from their Master to signify ownership.

• MDLB stands for Mommy Domme/Little Boy. It is the female-led version of DDLG and a part of Dominance and submission. This lifestyle can include age play. Its name shows the caring bond between parent and child or teacher and student.

• Mummification means wrapping the body tightly in layers of plastic sheeting. Safety is key, so the face, especially the mouth and nose, should stay open for breathing. Keeping the body warm is also important, as movement helps with temperature control. Aftercare in a warm environment can be beneficial. This technique often enhances feelings of total helplessness and is used in sensation play.

• Munch is a group of BDSM enthusiasts meets at a “vanilla” location, dressed in street-appropriate attire.

  Sometimes this is a club. You might see an announcement like, "This weekend's munch is at Denny's."

• Needle Play refers to temporary piercings using sterile needles of various gauges. They usually last only for the duration of a scene.

• Nose Torture is a traditional Japanese form of BDSM that often involves nose hooks.

• OTK is over the knee (spanking).

• Pegging is a sexual practice in which a woman penetrates a man's anus with a strap-on dildo.

• Play Party is a BDSM event involving many people engaging in scenes.

• ProDom is a male professional In-callinant (charges money).

• ProDomme is a female professional In-callinant (charges money).

• Ponygirl or Ponyboy Sub is dressed in a pony outfit, with a mouth bit and an anal plug with a tail. They are told to prance or behave like a pony.

• Pup-Play is a sub made to act like a puppy. Sub barks, whines, and eats from a bowl. This play is sexual. It also highlights the altered mind-space of the bottom or pup and the total connection with their Trainer or Master.

• Pussy Torture is torture of the female genitals for sexual gratification.

• RACK is risk-aware consensual kink.

• Rape Fantasy / Ravishment is the pleasurable fantasy of inflicting or being a victim of an act of consensual play-rape.

• Rhaphanidosis is insertion of a piece of radish into the anus.

• Rope-Bondage is a way to tie someone with ropes. It comes from Japanese kinbaku-bi.

• Sadism is the act of inflicting pain.

• Sadist is a person who enjoys inflicting pain, usually sexual.

• Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) is a guideline for BDSM practitioners. It helps them determine if their play is suitable. Sometimes contrasted with RACK (risk-aware consensual kink).

• Safeword is a codeword one can use to stop BDSM activity. It’s often used in scenes with consensual force.

• Scat play is feces play.

• The Scene is the BDSM community. It covers people, groups, meeting places, dungeons, websites, email lists, and conferences.

• Service-Oriented Submission is a person who likes to serve in sexual or BDSM contexts.

• Slave is a person who willingly gives up control over some parts of their life to another, known as their master.

• Soft limits refer to activities that someone feels hesitant or nervous about trying. These limits can often be negotiated or introduced at a trial or beginner level during a scene.

• Subdrop is a physical condition that can feel like cold or flu symptoms. It happens to a submissive after a strong BDSM session. This may last for up to a week. The best way to prevent it is through aftercare right after the session.

• Submissive, or "sub" for short, is someone who gives up control. This can be either all the time or for a set period. It's important not to confuse a sub with a "bottom" or a "slave." Subspace: A "natural high" that a sub (or bottom) gets during a scene or when being controlled. The sub might feel disconnected from time, space, or their own body. They may also struggle to communicate. A Dom(me)/top must take charge of the sub/bottom's wellbeing during subspace. In long-term in-callinance and submission relationships, subspace can be a mental state, even if there's no impact play. Here, the submissive feels a deep emotional connection with the in-call.

• Switch is someone who likes being both a top and a bottom, either in one scene or on different occasions.

• Taken in Hand 24/7 Male In-callinance in a monogamous marriage, with or without BDSM aspects.

• Tease and Denial means keeping someone excited while holding back their release. This keeps them in a state of ongoing tension, inner struggle, and heightened awareness.

• Tit Torture The act of causing deliberate physical pain to the breasts and nipples.

• TNG The Next Generation. A tag commonly used by groups and organizations that cater to younger people involved in BDSM typically ages 18–35.

• Top Person "doing the action" (contrast with the bottom – the person receiving the action). Not to be confused with Dom which is the person who "puts the scene together". A male Dom could enjoy CBT and tell a sub what they are to do. In this case, the Top is the submissive (following the direction of the Dom) and the bottom is the Dom (receiving the attention of the top).

• Topping From the Bottom A bottom who purports to be a submissive but who nonetheless wants to direct the top.

• TPE or Total Power Exchange is a relationship where the In-callinant or owner holds full control over the submissive's life. They make most decisions. Training can be a short phase or a continuous process. The In-callinant teaches the submissive how to meet their preferences.

• Vanilla is someone who is not into BDSM; or sexual behavior does not encompass BDSM activity. The term is sometimes used in a derogatory sense.

• WIITWD What It Is That We Do. A broad term referring to all forms of alternative sexuality.

• Wax Play The top drips hot wax on the bottom.

Bondage Techniques

• Ball Tie is both a bondage position and the device for it. In this position, the wrists are tied in front of the ankles. The knees are pulled up to the chest, creating a ball shape. This differs from a hogtie.

• Bondage is the practice of restraining or binding a partner for erotic reasons. It can be done for its own sake or "for a purpose." This is common in BDSM. Here, the passive partner is often restrained for discipline, punishment, or humiliation. This also allows easier access for sadomasochistic acts, such as caning.

• Breast Bondage The act of tying the breasts either flat against the chest or so that they bulge.

• Crotch Rope is a bondage position. It uses a rope that goes through a woman’s labia. This applies pressure to her genitalia. A knot may be added for extra clitoral stimulation. Men can also use crotch ropes. They can apply pressure directly on the scrotum or use a tie to secure it.

• Decorative Bondage in this style, the passive partner is tied up to serve as a decorative piece. This can happen at BDSM parties or in erotic photography, where they act as human furniture.

• Film Bondage A type of bondage where the passive partner is lightly tied and can easily escape. This non-violent practice is often done for artistic reasons, which is how it got its name.

• Hair or Head Bondage is the passive participant is held in a way that tilts the head back.

• Hogtie is a bondage position where each wrist is tied to the opposite ankle behind the back.

• Kinbaku, or shibari, means "the beauty of tight binding." This Japanese bondage style ties the passive partner with intricate patterns. It uses thin ropes, focusing mainly on aesthetics.

• Meditative Bondage is a type of bondage rarely seen in the West. It’s common in kinbaku, or Japanese bondage. The goal here is spiritual. It emphasizes the experience of the passive participant rather than physical restraint.

• Predicament Bondage is a kind of bondage. Here, the tied-up person feels discomfort whenever they move. This forces them to choose between different positions and adjust as needed.

• Public Bondage is bondage done in public places. It mixes bondage with exhibitionism. BDSM clubs are a venue for semi-public bondage.

• Roleplay involves acting out fantasy characters and scenarios. It's a key part of bondage play. This can include scenes of abduction, rape, or ravishment. It also covers submission scenes and predicament bondage, which have their own definitions.

• Rope Bondage Here, the prein-callinant (or sole) type of restraint utilized is rope. Rope bondage usually includes detailed knotwork. The person tying the knots is known as a rigger.

Common styles of rope bondage include:

• Rope wrapping
• Rope weaving
• Single- or double-rope techniques

One popular position has a rope around the neck, with a collar that pulls the submissive into a forced bend.

• Self-bondage is the erotic use of restraints on oneself. Self-bondage often mixes with other bondage forms and BDSM, like suspension bondage. It needs careful planning and specific techniques for safe release. Because of this, self-bondage can be riskier than other types of bondage and BDSM.
• Sleepsack Bondage involves a bondage position using a sleepsack. The passive partner is comfortably bound inside, like being in a sleeping bag. This allows them to stay in that position for a longer time without discomfort.
• Spread Eagle is a bondage position in which the arms and legs are splayed out and secured.
• Strappado Bondage is a technique and position. It requires binding the passive partner’s hands behind their back. Then, you secure the wrists to a fixed point overhead. This lifts their arms and forces them to bend forward.
• Suspension Bondage is a type of bondage. In this practice, the passive partner is tied to one or more points above. They can be hung in different positions: horizontal, vertical, or inverted. In partial suspension, only part of the body is suspended while the rest is supported, such as one foot balanced on the ground or a person lying down. In full suspension, the body is entirely suspended. This can be a riskier form of bondage than others.
• Torture Bondage is a type of bondage is used in punishment during in-callination or submission play. Here, the passive partner is tied up in a way that feels uncomfortable.

Any form of bondage can also fall into this category if sustained too long.

Domination and Submission Techniques

• Bondage is sexual bondage techniques that can be employed as an act of discipline.

• Corporal Punishment means purposely hurting someone physically. This includes actions like spanking, beating, whipping, and slapping.

• Cuckold A masochistic fetish in which men derive erotic pleasure from observing their wives in sexual acts with other men.

• Dehumanization is a way to humiliate and degrade someone. In this process, the submissive acts like an animal or an object. The In-callinant partner treats them as if they were less than human.

• Domestic Servitude is a type of consensual slavery. The submissive partner cooks, cleans, and does other chores for the dominant partner.

• Dominance/Submission or D/S is relationships or play involving a sexual power dynamic.

• Dom, or Dominant, is the “active” partner. This is usually a male. He exerts control over the “passive” or submissive partner. A professional male in-call is known as a ProDom.

• Domme, or Dominatrix, is a woman who takes on the active role in a domination/submission scene. A professional female In-call me is known as a ProDomme.

• Enforced chastity means the submissive cannot have sex or any genital contact. This includes not being able to orgasm at all. Often, a locked device known as a chastity belt or, for men, a cock cage is employed to prevent access.

• Feminization is a type of roleplay. In it, the dominant partner gives a male submissive traits that are traditionally female.

• Fetishes are specific erotic obsession or sexual delight in a particular experience or object. Examples include boot, shoe and foot worship, smoking, uniforms, heavy rubber and latex.

• Financial Domination is a sexual fetish in which a submissive gives money and gifts to the Dom/In-callme.

• Golden Showers or Human Toilet is the act of urinating on another person or being urinated on by another person.

• Objectification is a type of dehumanization. In this case, the In-call/In-callme treats the submissive's body like furniture. For example, they may use it as a footstool or their mouth as an ashtray.

• Paraphilia Also known as adult babies, or ADBL, is a form of roleplay in which an adult presents and acts as an infant for erotic gratification. It can be used as an act of humiliation.

• Public Humiliation Performing acts of humiliation on a submissive in a public setting.

• Resistance Play A form of power play in which the In-call/In-callme forces the submissive to act against their will.

• Sexual Slavery is when a submissive person gives up their right to decide about sexual acts.

• Submissive, or Sub, is not the same as slave or bottom. This term describes the passive partner in a BDSM relationship. In this dynamic, they give up control to the dominant partner, either completely or partially.

• Trampling is the act of the In-callinant partner walking on the submissive partner. In this act, people gain sexual pleasure from a mix of pain, called sadomasochism, and humiliation.

• Verbal Humiliation Using words, such as insults, to degrade the submissive partner. This is also a common technique used in saIn-callasochism.

• Whipping or Flagellation is when one partner strikes the submissive partner with a whip or similar tool. This acts as a form of submission or In-callination. Whipping or flagellation can be a discipline technique. It serves as punishment and is also used in sadomasochism to create pain.

Discipline Techniques

• Bondage can be used as a discipline technique.
• Breast Torture or Pussy Torture involves the torture of female breasts or the vagina for sexual pleasure.
• Caning is also a technique in saIn-callasochism, this is the act of striking the passive partner with a cane.
• Cock and Ball Torture is the torture of the male penis or scrotum for sexual gratification.
• Discipline is the erotic or sexualized punishment of a submissive or passive partner by an In-callinant or active one.
• Edgeplay involves taking a sexual partner close to harm or orgasm without allowing them to finish. This can serve as a way to discipline or punish.
• Positive Reinforcement The act of rewarding a submissive for good behavior.
• Public Humiliation techniques involve humiliating the submissive partner in public. It can serve as a method of discipline.

SaIn-callasochism Techniques

• Biting is the literal biting of another person with one’s teeth to derive sexual gratification.
• Blindfolding and Masks Blindfolds are often used on the masochist. They block sight, so the person cannot see what is happening.
• Masks are often worn by the sadist to disguise the individual’s identity and take on a different persona. In both cases, the aim is to intensify the experience.
• Bondage for Pain Bondage is a sadomasochistic method used to create pain.
• Clothespins and Clamps is the application of clothespins and clamps to different parts of the body, like a woman’s nipples or a man’s scrotum.
• Cutting is the act of slicing through the skin with a razor, knife, or other sharp objects.
• Discipline is painful; acts of discipline are commonplace in sadomasochism.
• Edgeplay in sadomasochism, edgeplay is about bringing a partner near the limits of physical or emotional harm. Examples are gunplay, fire play, blood play, rough body play, and breath play. Also, enforced chastity mixed with edgeplay can be a technique in sadomasochism.
• Electric Shock, or Electro-Play, uses a power source like a Violet wand, EMS, or TENS unit. It applies electrical stimulation to the masochist's nerves. People use it for torture, tickling, sexual pleasure, or body modification.
• Face Slapping is the slapping the face to produce pain.
• Figging is the act of inserting a piece of peeled ginger root into the masochist’s vagina or anus.
• Forced Orgasms is the act of forcing a masochist to have an orgasm, and often multiple successive ones.
• Gags The act of shoving a ball, handkerchief or other object into a masochist’s mouth to prevent the individual from speaking.
• Genital Binding is a bondage technique. It's great for sadomasochism because it can create pain.
• Genito-torture involves pain for pleasure. It includes breast and pussy torture for women, and cock and ball torture for men.
• Handcuffs are the act of restraining the masochist, often to a fixed object, using handcuffs. In saIn-callasochism, this makes the masochist unable to defend against other saIn-callasochistic acts.
• Piercing is the act of sticking needles or other sharp objects through the flesh.
• Spankings, unlike spanking in bondage and discipline, here it is intended specifically to cause pain.
• Suspension Piercing mixes suspension with piercing. In this activity, the masochist is lifted by chains or other tethers. These are connected to their body through piercings.
• Wax Play is a technique in which the active partner drips hot wax on the receiving partner.